I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
