i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
