this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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