i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
