am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
