nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize