Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
