Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
