I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
