Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
