Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
