the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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