me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
