Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
