I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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