I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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