I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So vagazzling was a success
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
