SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
