my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
