I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
