I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just forgot I was standing up.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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