im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize