My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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