Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
