Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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