what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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