Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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