epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
