he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
