Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
