Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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