How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
