Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
