I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
