is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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