worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
