dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize