He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
