Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
