The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
