u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
pray to the hookup gods
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
