If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
