just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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