glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
