I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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