and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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