I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
