I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
