I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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