The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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