Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
