I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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