she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
