Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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