My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
