Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
