I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
