this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
