I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize