i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
