There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
