it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
