I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
