you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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