Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
