I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
