So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
