I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
