I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
