evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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