super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
