from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
