Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
