i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize