shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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