She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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