Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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