Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
