I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
