I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
