there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
