Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
