Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
