I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize