I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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