Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We need to rekindle our bromance
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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