Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
