Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
