I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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