If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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