hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
