He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
