Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I could make wine with my vomit
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
