the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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