You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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