you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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