Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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