youre lurking in front of me
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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