I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
