Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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