Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
