shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
