I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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